All Hail the Monoboard

What’s wrong with this picture?

That’s right folks, I’m on a monoboard.

Not convinced?

There you have it people, the monoboard.

I have a confession to make. Despite great expectations, having now actually used a monoboard I can tell you that they’re all wrong. This is probably a good outcome, since becoming a serial monoboarder is probably more than I’m ready for at this stage in life. Far from being love at first sight, riding the mono was a deeply alienating experience. It seems that either you master the board, or the board masters you. For me, it was certainly the latter.

Pros:

• It is a monoboard (which turns out to be even less of a pro than first hypothesised)

Cons:

• You can’t turn.
• It does the exact opposite of what you want it to do, right up until you start relying on it doing that. Then it starts going straight downhill.
• It really does take all the best bits of skiing and replace them with the worst bits of snowboarding.
• On a flat surface it is pretty much impossible to move.
• On a rope tow, it has an alarming tendency to funnel your head towards pulleys.

Riding the monoboard has simultaneously reduced my respect for monoboards and greatly increased my respect for monoboarders. And so I’d like to take this moment to publicly recognise the Master of the Mono, the Undisputed Lord of the Board, John Newell. John, those of us who have been subjugated by the single ski salute you.