Extreme Parasitism

A tick that has found its way onto your body can take days to actually find a suitable site and bite you. Obviously, while they're crawling around they're easy to remove and do no real harm. The only time they become a problem is when they're lodged in place.

The same is true for climbing parasites like me. If I latch on to a group at a crag, I'm usually only with them for a few hours and it's easy enough for them to get rid of me and go their own way. But recently, I have reached new levels of parasitism. I have latched onto a host and am currently writing this post on their enormous computer IN THEIR APARTMENT.

I should be clear, describing this as an act of parasitism suggests that I'm somehow responsible for the pretty sweet situation I find myself in, but in fact this is all the doing of my most generous and benevolent host, Ward. I met Ward in the car park at the crag and climbed with him and another friend for the day. I had spent five days at the Skaha Bluffs trying unsuccessfully to bum rope and soloing easy climbs, so getting a chance to climb with other people in relative safety was most welcome. I ended up carrying a bunch of Ward's climbing equipment back to the cars at the end of the day and, since we were both tired and pretty chuffed about they day's exploits, I completely forgot to give it back to him.

Later that night I realised my mistake and contacted Ward to explain. He had also completely forgotten, and was near Walmart at the time, so he dropped by to collect his stuff. In the process, he noticed the slightly squalid conditions I was living in and offered me a room at his place if I wanted to get out of the van for a while. The next day the weather crapped out and I took him up.

Since then, Ward has been an incredibly warm host. I've been staying with him for a whole week now, and since the weather has been terrible for much of that time it has been great to have somewhere dry to hang out. It also means that we can climb together when he's not at work, which is great for me and hopefully means he gets something worthwhile out of this arrangement too.

Like any good parasite though, the time will come to leave this host and move to the next stage of my life cycle. If I were a tick (specifically a female tick), the next step after feeding off a large mammal would be to lay my eggs. I won't be doing that. Instead, I meet my brother-in-law, climbing buddy and all-around-good-guy Rohan on Wednesday in Vancouver (it's Monday today). We'll go on a four week climbing extravaganza across British Columbia, focusing on long rock routes in the mountains (think 1200 metres long) and then return to the Southern Hemisphere, where by all accounts winter is in full swing.